Self-processing: Forgiveness Is Freedom

I am just processing myself. Aloud. Please indulge.

Turbulent times for me. Much confusion, stress, hurt, disappointment, heartache and hopelessness. But I know things will get better. Eventually. In HIS time. (Hopefully soon though, Lord.)

In this very moment that I feel such a kontrabida in (mostly) everyone's eyes, here is what God wanted me to know...

ALTHOUGH FORGIVENESS IS VERY HARD, IT IS NECESSARY.

Holding onto anger and old hurts hardens your heart and hurts only you. Ask for help in letting go of the anger. Ask to see the situation through the eyes of compassion. Allow yourself to feel the lightness of forgiveness.

I'm thinking sino ba dapat kong patawarin.

Then it hit me.

Dapat kong UNANG patawarin ang sarili ko. I have to forgive myself first to be able to forgive others. I cannot give what I do not have. Forgiveness to self translates to forgiveness to others. God is right in saying mahirap magpatawad. Lalo na yung sa tingin natin hindi deserving ng kapatawaran.

I feel that. I feel I don't deserve forgiveness. Heck, I feel I don't even deserve forgiveness from myself. Then God sends me this. Naman talaga, Lord!

Di ko pa rin alam. Inner battle. Internal conflict. But I know I'll emerge victorious. Whatever I will decide, it has been thought through. No shooting down. Please.

To all the people I have hurt, especially those whom I have hurt DEEPLY, I am sorry. Huli na siguro or baka wala nang effect, but still, I AM TRULY SORRY. I hope you find it in your hearts, no matter how small the flicker of compassion for me is, to forgive me.

To myself, I forgive you. Wag ka lang madalas na gaga or tanga baka madala akong patawarin ka. Pero di naman kita kaya tiisin, eventually mapapatawad din kita. Ulit. And remember dear self, I love you very much.

To the people who have hurt me, I free you. I forgive you. Sincerely.

PS. Sa mga nakibasa at nakabasa nitong self-processing ko, please pray for me. Please.

(Freedom photo by Amit Richard) 

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.